are you a fan, or are you a creep?
on celebrity culture, parasocial relationships, and respecting your favorite artist's boundaries
In the last couple of years, I’ve noticed a pattern on social media: a general feeling of entitlement fans think they have to their favorite artist's time and personhood. On one side, there is a never-ending belief you can have an opinion on everything they do and say, but it doesn’t stop there. Stan culture has made people believe they have a right to post mean and speculative comments about famous people online without facing consequences.
Celebrity culture as well as stan culture has spread out globally in the worst possible way. In the last decade, millions have become “fans” and “supporters” of musicians, actors, and even content creators. Although fandom has existed for a while, the rise of social media has exponentially turned it into a behavior similar to stalking. So-called stans all over the world idolize public figures they have never met and probably will never meet, and form unhealthy attachments with them. The obsession grows into one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, is completely unaware of the other’s existence. This is how parasocial relationships are born.
In 2019, Lucy Dacus, singer-songwriter and member of the band boygenius, talked to the Tampa Bay Times about her complicated relationship with fans. In her interview, Lucy said that artists shouldn’t feel beholden in any way to the people who buy their concert tickets, and she urges artists not to be people pleasers or feel compelled to meet fans after a show because at times those fans can be extremely disrespectful. Lucy argues:
“Even with kindness, people ask for more than anybody should give — to go out to dinner or to kiss you on the cheek, or have a five-minute photo session or a one-on-one therapy session. It can be extremely taxing on the road, and I think all three of us need to remember that it's okay to say no to the people that are funding your art."
In the same interview, she shares how the song ‘Bite The Hand’ came to life after many uncomfortable experiences with fans. She, Julian, and Phoebe, the other members of boygenius, have matching tooth tattoos to remind themselves they are allowed to say “no” to people who fund their art.
Lucy’s interview came to mind after Chapell Roan received backlash for sharing a similar opinion on her TikTok. This is not the first time the artist has been vocal about how overwhelming the sudden rise of her career has been. But this time, she didn’t hold back. What stuck out to me more than anything in her videos was when she said:
"I don’t care that abuse and harassment, stalking is a normal thing to do to people who are famous or are a little famous. I don’t care that is normal. I don’t care that this crazy type of behavior comes along with the job that I’ve chosen. That does not make it okay.”
I’ve been a fan of Chapell since her debut album came out in September of last year. Seeing her get more recognition this year made me so happy at first, but then I slowly started to feel sorry for her. Stardom always comes with a cost, and as a long-time fan of Taylor Swift, I know how awful fame can be for a person’s sense of self. In the last couple of years, Taylor has been very vocal about how much her success has been detrimental to her relationships with others and to herself.
When people on Twitter started to use an old video of Taylor to support their claim that Chapell was ungrateful and not made for stardom, I was confused. In the video, Taylor says she is cool with losing her privacy due to fame because “this is what I wanted and I'm one of the lucky ones who actually got what they wanted in life.” What these people forgot was that the Taylor who said those words doesn’t exist anymore. She now travels hidden in boxes and walks inside huge umbrellas that hide her entire body because she can’t go anywhere without being photographed and stalked. Not even to her friend's wedding.
I never thought I’d feel sorry for celebrities. But I do feel lots of sympathy toward artists, especially. On one hand, they’re privileged. They share their art with the world and if they succeed, they acquire financial stability and industry connections—more than most struggling artists can dream of. But I’m also aware that once you become too famous, there’s no going back. You will be forever changed. Everything you do will be watched by millions of people. You’ll lose not only your privacy, but your life as you knew it. That is a scary outcome. One I’m not sure I would handle well.
Throughout my tweens and teen years, I’ve been a fan of lots of things. I’ve been a part of Stan Twitter and Book Twitter since I was twelve years old. I have engaged in online discourse regarding my latest obsession. But I have always been aware that there is a thin line where the discussion becomes hate speech. It’s a slippery slope; one people fall over daily. With time I have grown and distanced myself from celebrity culture. Maybe due to maturity or maybe I’ve grown tired of giving influence to people who might not deserve to have a platform. Either way, I’m just not that interested anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still into pop culture. But now I am more conscious that the famous people I like are not gods, and they will disappoint me. That doesn’t give me the right to comment on their actions in a violent tone.
Another phenomenon that gave me a lot to think about celebrity culture was the comments I’ve been seeing all around social media about the cast of Love Island USA. The show became the #1 reality show in The United States and ever since it aired people on the internet have not stopped talking about it. Brain Moylan, writes for Vulture:
“Everyone on Love Island USA is acting like no one is watching, and that might be the secret to this season’s success.”
I don’t fully agree with his take. These people knew they were being watched, they just didn’t care at the time. That’s why so many people online love them.
Since the show ended, the main cast and winners of the season have become popular on social media. Everyone is obsessed with PPG (me included) and can’t get enough of them. People ask them for makeup tutorials, vlogs, updates, you name it. Mind you, these people haven’t had a real break since coming back from the villa, they are traumatized and burned out after what happened to them in Fiji. Still, we want more. Not amount of content is ever enough.
Danielle J. Lindemann, a sociology professor at Lehigh University, argues:
“Reality TV is voyeuristic. We like watching the “train wreck” character to remind ourselves that even if we’re messed up in our own ways, we are not the train wreck. We might feel smugly superior to the people on these shows. There is a freak-show aspect to this voyeurism too.”
Similar to being a music artist, being the star of a reality TV show makes viewers think they know the people on their screen. At the end of the day, we see them cry and talk about their deepest feeling all the time. But we forget that even reality TV is edited. Producers show us only what benefits their agenda. We don’t know who these people are in real life, not by watching them through our screens. People online have also forgotten that the situation the cast finds themselves in is more similar to a psychological study than real life. They are being filmed 24/7, wear a mic all day, are not allowed to talk about anything “important” when they’re not being recorded, and worst of all, they can’t speak to anyone outside of the villa. For six weeks, these people are secluded and toyed with like characters from a TV show, and it is not over once they leave Fiji.
The dehumanization of the Love Island participants starts in production and is followed by the viewers.
There are a lot of issues with celebrity culture as a whole, but the one I am most worried about is that it distorts social priorities and needs. Our whole lives shouldn’t be built around parasocial relationships. They can’t be.
Chappell’s videos were necessary. Artists have always known they don’t deserve to be stalked and harassed, and they shouldn’t have to speak about it to get their point across, but I still think it is important that more celebrities open up about the struggles they’ve encountered since becoming famous. They must shatter the illusion of being their fan’s friends and stop capitalizing on parasocial relationships. We as part of the problem need to learn the difference between when a public figure is standing up for themselves, and when they are being a“mean girl” or “ungrateful”.
I want to end this by reminding everyone, that even if you are part of the reason why someone is famous, or you have given them your money to support their work in any shape or form, you are never entitled to be violent toward them or to expect a type of behavior from them. Celebrity culture offers people an escape from their fucked-up lives, but at the end of the day, it won’t solve any of your real-life problems. I understand parasocial relationships bring lots of comfort to people, I understand social media and reality TV make you feel closer to your favorite celebrity, but that still doesn’t mean you know those people. There’s a reason why it’s called a parasocial relationship: it’s not mutual. It’s not equal. It’s barely even real.
Love, always
Luisa xxxx
More on the subject:
Eliza Mclamb’s The Eeriness of Fame. It’s a great read.
Culture Vulture is this the end of fandominance?
Ps. Thanks for the 2k subscribers. I love writing to you all <3
yes!! i have always felt so strongly about this topic. like when people camp out at celebrity homes for hugs or autographs or whatever — like do you even see them as a human at that point? it’s stalker creepy behavior. and even if they did give you what you wanted, aren’t you embarrassed? like you didn’t even have a real conversation with them???
but anyways i thoroughly enjoyed reading this, it was so well written🫶🏼
I loved this! As someone who used to be deep in fan culture, I always found it weird when 'fans' would say their faves were 'ungrateful' or 'rude' whenever they'd set limits or wouldn't consent to physical contact with a fan or to a picture. A lot of 'fans' ignore the fact that were are strangers in their eyes, and just as I would feel uncomfortable if I stranger asked for a picture with me, is only natural for them to feel uncomfortable too, even more so if they are triggered, in a rush, sharing time with family/friends, or even if they are on their own... they are entitled to say no.