comparing ED culture to faith was such a stroke of genius. we've been groomed to worship thinness and covet it. i'll be thinking about this essay for days.
The title is pithy but very apt. What value does being skinny even give? That you feel like a model? But what do they do? They get adored and get recognition for looking good in clothes and getting sponsorship deals. They help sell things and look sleek and beautiful. It takes so much to look like that with so little to gain. There’s such a cognitive dissonance between how we actually live and how we have to look. At my thinnest, I had little energy for most things. I just wanna be active
Lol same, I was NOT fun to be around. I’m really really glad I’m at a point where even with some jiggle and fat here and there, I genuinely feel beautiful and feel inspired to stay healthy. I really hope that for everyone. Thanks for this honest yet sensitive post.
thank you for writing this ❤️ im having a hard time lately thinking about my body and spiraling into how i wish i was thinner and smaller, is hard looking at social media and seeing pictures of tiny girls and tiny clothes. I live in Argentina, where sadly eating disorders are very normal and every girl you know has a history of one. Reading this is just what i needed at a difficult moment in my mind
I once read in a book that every time a woman walks past a mirror, she glances at her side to check her belly. This observation stuck with me because it’s exactly what my friends and I do. Now I can’t help but wonder—how universal is this habit?
I really appreciate this article. As someone who is plus size now (18-20 US) but has not always been in as large of a body and who struggled w body dysmorphia for 20+ years the best thing I've done for myself is acceptance of my size. I'm actively working on eating healthier and exercising more not because I want to lose weight but simply because I want to be healthy enough to see my kids well into their adulthood.
And maybe this is unique to me but as a bi person in a hetero marriage I struggled a lot more with my weight until I started looking at myself through the female gaze rather than the male. I would absolutely date someone who looked like me bc I'm soft and cute and have a great personality but I never felt enough for men bc of being "too much" but then I realized it's not that I'm too much, they're simply not enough. (And for the record so my husband doesn't get shit on, he likes my body a lot as it is. It's just the mental conditioning of "unlovable above a size 6")
Oh, I totally get what you mean with seeing yourself through the female gaze. It's not at all a unique experience, I'm sure lots of queer women feel the same. We are never alone in a feeling.
Okay so I am the same size as you, and you are articulating some stuff that has been on my mind. At 37, I think of the compromises I made with myself to be more attractive to men in my 20s (before I met my ex-husband) and it’s like remembering a different person. Now I have been single for 3 years and I feel so good about myself - I am now feeling SO good about myself I want to date and find a companion to share some of that with someone. But that immediately feels incongruous because the very act of dating men seems to taint all of those good things I have built up within me. I find it hard to believe that any man wants my body just as it is…hoping I am wrong. It currently feels risky though! And it’s hard to explain this because I never had a man say “I don’t like how you look”. But, what I did get from men was remarkably different treatment over the years ranging from a size 4 - 22. I was my most miserable the smaller I got, but men bent over backwards to do things for me and get my attention. Now I am the largest I’ve ever been and I feel fantastic, but I am all but invisible to men.
Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️ I've been married for ten years, so I don't have much hot takes on the dating world right now but if for some reason I was dating and felt compelled to date men again I would go in knowing two things- one my appearance is the least interesting thing about me and two some guys just like bigger girls. Maybe I'm an optimist but I believe that we eventually find the right person for us, but that may mean we have to go through some crap before getting there.
But low-key, as a queer woman if I entered the dating field I would only date women for a while bc holy shit- have you seen a woman? 15/10 stunning.
My take away is- if a guy is weird about the way your body naturally changes then he's not worth it. Like you're going to be crappy to me about my body when like your gut means you haven't seen your own ding dong unless on a phone or mirror in years? Bruh.
Your comparison of an ED to religion is so apt. I've never thought about it that way, but when I look back on my years of restrictive eating, I was absolutely devoted to the "god" of thinness.
“weight-loss rituals do not simply create an ideal female body; they generate a worldview”
I've always had trouble with my weight. I can remember the first time someone called me chubby. So the title did not appeal me at all, but after reading it…
Comparing the ED culture to faith was a genius comparison. Because it's true. We are facing some regression regarding how we see our bodies, worshiping a skinny body instead of loving all types of bodies. Thank you for writing this. Kinda needed this. <3
no seriously like being thin is the least interesting thing about someone, and also 1000% a way for society to control women and our perceptions of ourselves (and others). also the things in life that are worth it will make us bloated stuck out to me!
i just finished "Didion and Babitz" and Eve was an ICON of a woman and a writer. she was considered curvy (not really at all but in the 60s-70s, that culture still permeated) - that only enhanced her aura (one of the chapters was "eve bah-bitz with the great big t*ts")
I sincerely love this post. I even made a speech at my school about this. Eating is not gross, it is healthy. It helps our bodies grow. I am so young and I have so much food and joy and love to experience. How much I weigh or how thin I am does not make me more or less valuable. And omg the part about carrying what you’re told at a young age into adulthood is entirely true. Thank you for sharing!
the link to christianity and rituals to improve a higher state through the physical is sooo interesting and honestly related to the whole string of health and wellness propaganda rocking social media.. this was so thought provoking great read!!!!
This is absolutely beautiful. I can't believe this continues to be such a prevalent topic and yet I still stare at myself sideways in the mirror in every outfit check. Love love love
I’m trying to get out of the vicious circle, and this made me cry because it’s so true. All of it. And we try, try, try but by god it’s a tricky journey.
comparing ED culture to faith was such a stroke of genius. we've been groomed to worship thinness and covet it. i'll be thinking about this essay for days.
ily, thank you for reading and always being so supportive of my work <3
The title is pithy but very apt. What value does being skinny even give? That you feel like a model? But what do they do? They get adored and get recognition for looking good in clothes and getting sponsorship deals. They help sell things and look sleek and beautiful. It takes so much to look like that with so little to gain. There’s such a cognitive dissonance between how we actually live and how we have to look. At my thinnest, I had little energy for most things. I just wanna be active
I remember when I didn't eat enough and I just think... that's why I was fucking miserable all the time!! I was just hungry.
Lol same, I was NOT fun to be around. I’m really really glad I’m at a point where even with some jiggle and fat here and there, I genuinely feel beautiful and feel inspired to stay healthy. I really hope that for everyone. Thanks for this honest yet sensitive post.
thank you for writing this ❤️ im having a hard time lately thinking about my body and spiraling into how i wish i was thinner and smaller, is hard looking at social media and seeing pictures of tiny girls and tiny clothes. I live in Argentina, where sadly eating disorders are very normal and every girl you know has a history of one. Reading this is just what i needed at a difficult moment in my mind
Te mando mucho amor, Eli <3
I once read in a book that every time a woman walks past a mirror, she glances at her side to check her belly. This observation stuck with me because it’s exactly what my friends and I do. Now I can’t help but wonder—how universal is this habit?
Literally same!!!
I really appreciate this article. As someone who is plus size now (18-20 US) but has not always been in as large of a body and who struggled w body dysmorphia for 20+ years the best thing I've done for myself is acceptance of my size. I'm actively working on eating healthier and exercising more not because I want to lose weight but simply because I want to be healthy enough to see my kids well into their adulthood.
And maybe this is unique to me but as a bi person in a hetero marriage I struggled a lot more with my weight until I started looking at myself through the female gaze rather than the male. I would absolutely date someone who looked like me bc I'm soft and cute and have a great personality but I never felt enough for men bc of being "too much" but then I realized it's not that I'm too much, they're simply not enough. (And for the record so my husband doesn't get shit on, he likes my body a lot as it is. It's just the mental conditioning of "unlovable above a size 6")
Oh, I totally get what you mean with seeing yourself through the female gaze. It's not at all a unique experience, I'm sure lots of queer women feel the same. We are never alone in a feeling.
Okay so I am the same size as you, and you are articulating some stuff that has been on my mind. At 37, I think of the compromises I made with myself to be more attractive to men in my 20s (before I met my ex-husband) and it’s like remembering a different person. Now I have been single for 3 years and I feel so good about myself - I am now feeling SO good about myself I want to date and find a companion to share some of that with someone. But that immediately feels incongruous because the very act of dating men seems to taint all of those good things I have built up within me. I find it hard to believe that any man wants my body just as it is…hoping I am wrong. It currently feels risky though! And it’s hard to explain this because I never had a man say “I don’t like how you look”. But, what I did get from men was remarkably different treatment over the years ranging from a size 4 - 22. I was my most miserable the smaller I got, but men bent over backwards to do things for me and get my attention. Now I am the largest I’ve ever been and I feel fantastic, but I am all but invisible to men.
Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️ I've been married for ten years, so I don't have much hot takes on the dating world right now but if for some reason I was dating and felt compelled to date men again I would go in knowing two things- one my appearance is the least interesting thing about me and two some guys just like bigger girls. Maybe I'm an optimist but I believe that we eventually find the right person for us, but that may mean we have to go through some crap before getting there.
But low-key, as a queer woman if I entered the dating field I would only date women for a while bc holy shit- have you seen a woman? 15/10 stunning.
My take away is- if a guy is weird about the way your body naturally changes then he's not worth it. Like you're going to be crappy to me about my body when like your gut means you haven't seen your own ding dong unless on a phone or mirror in years? Bruh.
Your comparison of an ED to religion is so apt. I've never thought about it that way, but when I look back on my years of restrictive eating, I was absolutely devoted to the "god" of thinness.
Thank you for writing this. The title especially caught my eye. Very well written.
“weight-loss rituals do not simply create an ideal female body; they generate a worldview”
I've always had trouble with my weight. I can remember the first time someone called me chubby. So the title did not appeal me at all, but after reading it…
Comparing the ED culture to faith was a genius comparison. Because it's true. We are facing some regression regarding how we see our bodies, worshiping a skinny body instead of loving all types of bodies. Thank you for writing this. Kinda needed this. <3
Thank you for reading, ashley 💕
no seriously like being thin is the least interesting thing about someone, and also 1000% a way for society to control women and our perceptions of ourselves (and others). also the things in life that are worth it will make us bloated stuck out to me!
i just finished "Didion and Babitz" and Eve was an ICON of a woman and a writer. she was considered curvy (not really at all but in the 60s-70s, that culture still permeated) - that only enhanced her aura (one of the chapters was "eve bah-bitz with the great big t*ts")
thank you for writing this vulnerable piece!!
I sincerely love this post. I even made a speech at my school about this. Eating is not gross, it is healthy. It helps our bodies grow. I am so young and I have so much food and joy and love to experience. How much I weigh or how thin I am does not make me more or less valuable. And omg the part about carrying what you’re told at a young age into adulthood is entirely true. Thank you for sharing!
This was so beautifully written, thank you for your vulnerability and normalizing something I’ve carried shame with for so long 🩶
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing this 🩷 feeling so empowered and validated after reading xx
the link to christianity and rituals to improve a higher state through the physical is sooo interesting and honestly related to the whole string of health and wellness propaganda rocking social media.. this was so thought provoking great read!!!!
This is absolutely beautiful. I can't believe this continues to be such a prevalent topic and yet I still stare at myself sideways in the mirror in every outfit check. Love love love
I’m trying to get out of the vicious circle, and this made me cry because it’s so true. All of it. And we try, try, try but by god it’s a tricky journey.